Standing Out: Why You Should
If you are average, or if you are extraordinary, you are hated just the same.
It is the sad truth that in today’s society, you can be just as popular if you are a jerk as you can be if you are a saint. I see this all the time in coaching. Half the kids I watch are just as afraid to be GOOD as they are to be BAD. Most of them would rather be mediocre with the rest of the team, than be the best on the team. They don’t want to be the center of attention, they don’t want anybody to dislike them because they are good, and they don’t want to fail for the same reasons. They are afraid to be anything other than average, because that causes attention. And they don’t want attention. They want to blend in.
The biggest problem that I have with this is that it causes the truly gifted kids to go unnoticed. Everyone my age had the phrase, “Don’t give into peer pressure” slammed down our throats. Today I see the opposite of that phrase. And it actually is to the opposite effect. Instead of giving into peer pressure to do something, kids are giving into peer pressure to NOT do something, and nobody cares.
“No don’t try to solve it a different way, this way is fine.”
“No don’t try to do something unique, you might get made fun of.”
“No don’t try to say what you really feel, you might get judged.”
“No don’t try to be the best athlete, because if you are the best you might be hated.”
“No don’t try hard, because that just means you are sucking up.”
“No don’t try to answer the question, just sit there and be quiet like everyone else.”
These are all things that I have seen, or heard directly. Nobody wants to be different. Good or bad it doesn't matter, but they don’t want to be any different. They aren’t standing up for their own feelings, they aren’t trying to be the best they can be, and they aren’t trying to stand up to the negativity in their lives. In a nutshell, they are becoming lazy. Very. Very. Lazy.
But who cares about the average kids? Who cares if they don’t want to get better? I sure don’t. I tell my teams and players all the time that if they don’t want to try and get better then I don’t care. But when they sit the bench for 3 games in a row, they can’t complain. When another kid on the team who may not have been as good works as hard as they can and becomes a better player, they are going to be the ones that play. The only reason I ever force people to try harder is because the kids who are already trying on their own are being dragged down by the others. Regardless of what anyone is going to tell you, there is always a top, middle, and bottom. Some kids are overall better, some are overall worse. That is never going to change. But the problem is when kids try really hard and get really really good at what they are doing, they begin to get hated by the rest of the team, because they get to play a lot.
This is something that makes absolutely zero sense to me. Why would you ever be mad at someone for working really hard and being really good? It just doesn’t make sense.
My sisters both played softball for a very long time. I have discussions with people all the time with other coaches, friends, parents, players, whoever, that I think athletes in general used to be much more dedicated as a whole. There are always going to be those that try harder than the rest, but as a whole group of athletes, the effort level and determination just isn’t there anymore. If you ask me, it’s because of the attitude to be average rather than stand out. Good players and kids who care are being forced into being average because if they stand out they get judged, or made fun of, or hated, or whatever. They are afraid to stand out from the rest of the pack even if it means they are the best.
So here is what I would like to say, and what if you or your child or someone you know is in this situation have them read this. If you read ONE thing in this entire blog, read this. (And this is coming from the motivated athlete Jake, not the Coach Jake.)
"To the kids who are average and don’t want to try at all to be better, please leave the rest of us alone. Frankly, I don’t even care if you like me. I don’t care if you think I’m amazing or terrible. I don’t care if you think I’m the best or the worst. I. Don’t. Care. If you are going to hate me because I work hard, and I care about what I do then so be it. There is no need for me to adjust my life to yours. There is no need for me to be “as good as you” because guess what, I am already better. I don’t care if you think coach is giving me special attention, because I know that if they put me in the game I am going to succeed. I don’t care if you think I am sucking up because I ask the coaches for help during practice. I don’t care if you think I am a “try-hard” because I work on my own skills outside of practice. I don’t care what you think, and I am not going to let you drag me down. I will find the people who want to work hard and be their friend. I can get pushed by people like me. I can get even better than I already am. I can be great without you. "
As with all my blogs, I hope everyone understands the general message here. I want everyone to realize that no matter what they are doing, you should never be afraid to succeed. If people don’t like you solely because you are better at something than they are, then get rid of them. You have no need for those people in your life. There is no need to succumb to the average groups. Whoever you are, whatever you want to do, work hard at it, and if you leave everyone else in the dust, just be glad you left them a dustpan.
Till Next Time,